My BPD finance left me VERY suddenly, moved out while I was away, blocked me from phone contact, email contact, unfriended me on FB and other social media, sucessfully compelled her family and friends to do the same and even had a lawyer friend threaten me with a restraining order for calling her from a hotel phone twice! I don't see what that has to do with anything. My wife says she is learning a lot but she is still barking orders and yelling and telling me I am not doing things right on her behalf. Thank you so much for this letter. A normal life can be had. All the feelings of worthlessness came flooding back into my head. You juggled everything with such grace, intelligence and humility even as your husband found it harder to keep being the man you knew. Thank you so much for writing this, I am putting it everywhere I can. P.S. I made it though, and I now know that I have so much to offer to my future clients because of my own experience with mental illnesses. She struggles with accepting herself and most of all loving herself which in turn hinders her from being healthy both mentally and physically. I'm really glad she did; now I can see mistakes that I've made dealing with her, and I know how to be a better and more supportive husband. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. She's very sweet and often I feel affectionate, close, and relatable to her, but recently she's started holing up away from me and withdrawing. Thank you very much for your perspective. Your email address will not be published. Thank you so much for your comment. My name was stated here originally, but due to the fact that all of my personal rights to this story are irrelevant the moment I post this, I have decided not to give it. I refuse to believe it. Also, I was a VERY positive person just a few years agoI was even called a Pollyanna! I read your letter Debbie and most of the post. The relationship is different, the experiences are different, and the harm caused is different. I am a Father to 4 amazing children, a full-time worker and a musician suffering with Acute Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. We may avoid you, not answer calls, and decline invitations to be around you and other times, all we want to do is be around you. It is very well written and to the point. That's fun too.) But right now, she would react in a completely negative way to even the suggestion that she needs help. Research has focused on the psychopathological tendencies of children whose I hope that everything works out in your favor. An curved arrow pointing right. My mother has to pretty much do the same thing. I had my breakdown in 2003 at 39 yrs old went from happy and singing to feeling like I was being watched and crawled under my desk at workscared too death to come out and feeling like a little girl. I am a woman with BPD. You are not the cause of our suffering. I think you are the first Norwegian to tell me about her BPD blog. You carried on with our children, with your job, with our house and you dragged it all with you like Wonder Woman. Groups are not for everyone. Top Picks for BPD (and other) Books [Facebook Live Stream], Recent Facebook Live: Importance of Self-Care and Emotional Sensitivity (BPD), Fear of Real or Imagined Abandonment & BPD, Facts, Assumptions, and Missing Pieces in Seth Meyers, Psy.D.s Price of Loving SomeoneBorderline, The Sadness Spiral (BPD and Afraid to Feel), Trauma Triggers: Tips for Handling Visits From Estranged Family Members (BPD), 3 Ways To Handle Feelings Of Abandonment When A Loved One Travels, Real life vs. Social Media: Who are you really? Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. This extreme, black or white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a dialectic. Click to enable/disable _gat_* - Google Analytics Cookie. ~ Dave M. This comment has been removed by the author. BUT I AM EXHAUSTED. and "WE" your partners love you, even if today, this week, this month, this year, you hate "US"! I know people with BPD who were never abused or traumatized, so they can't really say BPD is actually a type of PTSD/trauma-based disorder either. Seventy-five percent of those diagnosed with BPD are women in their child bearing age (Lamont, 2006). That said, it makes sense that people occasionally need to set boundaries with us. Starting therapy can be daunting, and the person needs to make the decision for themselves, but your letter, and other people's experinces here can inspire hope in others, and help them through difficult times. The letter and all the post did help me a little tonight tho. It's sort of comforting that she said that, because it confirms that I probably finally have the right diagnosis. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. Love, Andrea, You are so welcome, Heather. Shrug. I've had many pschiatrists and most never mentioned BPD. I am so thankful that they seem to get it. Thank you so much for this letter. Otherwise you will be prompted again when opening a new browser window or new a tab. Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better. That some people really are willing and even eager to help, and that makes me smile every damn time. I know it always comes out wrong. I am so happy that you feel it was a help to you, and I appreciate all of the kind things you said. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. I was 16. Best of luck! I've been blamed by doctors who put me on these meds that I'm on too manyand the last one (after I discussed BPD he's a complete idiot and asked *me* what the therapy "DBT" was called) said to me, "You have a serious personality problem", in response to me answering how I'd been doing. I mean, I know that makes me sound selfishand I am a lot more than I used to be. My ex has BDP. Thank you for your kind comment. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. Brea, it can be really difficult when financials are suffering, but there are many people out there self-teaching the skills until such a time that they can afford to go to groups or individual DBT. And explains how the "non-BPD" can support and understand those who are suffering from the disorder. I just want to Scream at the both of them saying how the hell can you both do this!!!!???? Win a copy of my new book, Stronger Than BPD! But you say it is possible to recover to heal have hope and a normal life. I only sought help at the hospital maybe three times in a six-year period (never for self harm and only once for feeling unsafe), but it was enough to make me hope I never have to again because of how ignorant they were towards me. Anxiety about relationships, making efforts to avoid being abandoned. Your boss is *probably* trying to be supportive and encouraging in whatever way she knows how, but only YOU know what you need in terms of support at any given time. I can't be myself around you. Be anywhere but obsolete, which is what I would be if I wasn't a people pleaser. I have passed it on to my family and friends who support me. i haven't figured out what i think about BPD.. i've been diagnosed with it several times and as a result the system has treated me TERRIBLY. I'll buy them groceries. A common call to the SANE Helpline often goes like this: 'I think my partner, daughter or son has borderline personality disorder (BPD) and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them. There were some days I was too depressed to go to school or to study, and there were many times I thought "how can I help others if I'm such a mess?" I am very excited for your ongoing healing! I admire all of you, everyone of you, that can speak out! When he is having his episodes he verbally attacks me. You know what it's like, in a way that no therapist does, to live with BPD day in and day out. heartbroken77 Consumer 0 Posts: 12 Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2009 4:23 am Local time: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:16 am Blog: View Blog (0) Shows that YES there is hope and not only have you found it but, you have it held tightly in your grasp!! Somewhere between 1.6% and 5.9% of adults in the US have BPD, a personality disorder that's characterized by difficulty regulating emotion. Using this website means you're okay with this. I am 26 years old, I live in Wichita, KS, and I live with my father because I cannot live alone. A trigger is something that sets off in our minds a past traumatic event or causes us to have distressing thoughts. Honestly, I don't think this letter is helpful, or should have been addressed to the children of BPD's for a few reasons. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. I am very glad to hear about the understanding you're experiencing within your family. Just be there for her in the end when she needs you. Check to enable permanent hiding of message bar and refuse all cookies if you do not opt in. This is called dissociation. Debbie,This was an amazing letter that you wrote!!! While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, thats not always possible, and its not always clear why something sets off a trigger. As I read it I want to share it with my husband and daughter for starters but would love to share it to my DBT therapist and group.How do you feel about that? I couldnt talk to you then, and I cant really talk to you now. I know that there are some less-than-helpful sites for Nons, and there are some Nons with some serious issues of their own. I want to know that humanity can be beautiful. I did get committed here. I am very glad that your husband is open to supporting you and hope that the letter helped. And to help others like you do! She feels fully justified in treating my mother with all sorts of nasty abusive language and accusations. She cant acknowledge there is a problem, much less attend therapy or consider consulting a therapist. I have subjected myself to 2 abusive relationships, and have 2 children by both of my abusers. I wish she would recognise her need to make changes with help. A person with BPD may have the inability to view others more realistically as a mix of good and bad qualities. I don't harm my self, don't act on impulse, don't fear abandonment I am no longer scared or afraid to live and love. Thank you for the letter and I have seen a lot of younger people diagnosed early in life.I remember feeling this suicidal attempt when I was 15..but never went for any therapy..I just lived life and had my children and worked all the time too. I just love this letter. I am almost 50 and hate myself for having any of this. it gives me so much understanding and hope for my relationship. He told me about the diagnosis of PD but we never discussed it. Copyright 2023 NAMI. I would love it if you shared my letter with clients and posted it on the wall in your office. Not easy.When she does decide to get help, and i hope she does. I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. I could have given it to my husband and things may have been different. Reading also helps me manage my own destructive thoughts and feelings. Paranoia or emotional detachment. The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them: You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page. Today I turned 47 and I feel like I am 77. Its important that we stay safe and not hurt you or ourselves. Buy them groceries that humanity can be beautiful i think you are so welcome, Heather it. Your job, with our children, with our children, a full-time and... Glad to hear about the understanding you 're experiencing within your family lot more than i used to.! Black open letter from someone with bpd white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a mix of good and bad.... But right now, she would react in a completely negative way to even suggestion. Seventy-Five percent of those diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago M. this comment has been removed the. 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